Unfinished writings
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A few weeks ago while looking at family photos, I noticed a visible physical and seemingly behavioral changes in women before and after marriage.
Making the one remaining, life-loving beam in our family shine even brighter.
Regardless of a severe downgrade in status and a label that might as well be attached to her forehead, widowed at 48, my grandmother appeared to be the only happy human in our family.
How can the poster girl for bad luck be so happy all the time? And if she seemed so happy why did we continue to pitty her misfortune?
As far as I could tell, Upon the death of a husband, the partner's life must end by defult.
Despite my grandfather's status as a war hero, it was less prestigious and more problematic in the end.
when ending up with contribute much to the did not make him pleasant to live with. His behavior was later understood to be post-traumatic stress disorder.
The mere existence of an assumption generated and preserved by the notion that we all have the same needs, wishes and feelings is absurd. .
crazy no one ever considered the possibility she was better off?
probaly 90 % of her life following his death would not have existed if his presence reamained.
surly spending the rest of her life alongside an angry man watching TV is way better..
i understand that my grandparents and even parents teamed up partialy as a surviving method. baring in mind options such as couch surfing across europe were not yet in existance.
with every generation we change more. society has changed and contiously changing. how come we find it so dificult to part from this contract ? why does the existance of a legaly binding partnership (or lack of) has so much power over our life and decions?
selling stand alone ideas only in package deals.
intertwining ideals of family, love and home with marriage is one of the reasons this instituon needs to take a time out.
fearing lonliness should not be the reason to partner up.
lonlines is depicted as some sort of black hole we need to cosntanly worry about.
a union which exists as a solution for a made up problem,
based on the idea its just really scary alone.
the old marriage union strives on our inabilty of going throgh life alone- god forbid we become completly and utterlyindependent.
the idea of waiting for someone to complete us- waiting for that someone so we can begin 'living' is not only sad but actualy dangerous.
I'm in no way against the formation of a union, quite the contrary.- i believe it can be something so much better than we know
coming to terms that our goals and the person we had in mind as the perfect partner and father will be difrent. .
i truely believe that the idea of a wedding should change drasticly- its curent format does not have a place in the future.
i believe that the reinvented idea of a union should hold the basic understanding that all marriages are different.a partnership created by true atraction, intrest and comunication will not depend on the of the tightness of your shakels.
life changing without fear of not keeping your vows.should not be intemidated of breaking any contract.
the thoght of taking almost everyone in the world and conforming them to what was maybe relevant so many years ago is insane. and honestly i cant believe its still going strong.
a few years ago i decied it was time for thrapy. i had just broken up with a kenesque looking pilot.- suprisingly it was my the total apathy i found alarming. him being a near satirical version of the dream guy it was so noticable that i could have easily stayed there forever. it wasnt even a question, that was not someone you willingly breakup with.
my whole life i felt that if someone wants me around i stay and thank my lucky stars.
i think subconciously i alwys felt as though my mother was fulfiling the same role. my dad saved her from her uneducated morrocan family for a life filedl with light skined jews with a god comlex.
my parents got married about two months after they first met due to my mother getting pregnant.
the story of how they met includes how unbelievably thin she was while having huge breasts. romantic, I know.
with total disregaurd for nonphysical characteristics i created a direct link between being loved and thin.
every realtionship i had gained weight i imediatly felt i need to just be thankfull someone is stil around. Inevitably this notion would summen acordingly.
we are born complete human beings, granting other people the power in saying what makes us comlete is what empties us
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המראה של סבתא רשל
סבתא רשל הייתה מעין הגדרה של המילה טרגדיה. בגיל צעיר מאד עזב אותה בעלה, סבא מוריס התימני וברח הכי רחוק שאפשר, מיד אליהו המדכאת של שנות החמישים לסן דיאגו בקליפורניה הקסומה.
סבתא, שהייתה לה כבר מזמן בעיית ראייה, הלכה והתעוורה מבכי בלתי פוסק. התימני חסר האחריות השאיר אותה נכה עם שלושה ילדים צעירים, אביבה, סוסו ולילי הבכורה שלימים נעשתה אמי.
סבתא לא קיבלה את גזר הדין של האהבה החד צדדית... "הוא יחזור" היה המשפט שנשמע בבית כמה פעמים ביום. לא עזר גם כשנאמר לה שהוא התחתן שם עם נוצרייה בשם הלן ולמעשה הותיר אותה עגונה.
עד גיל שש גרנו אבא, אמא, סבתא, דודה, דוד ומושיק הקטן בדירת שני חדרים. סבתא ואביבה ומושיק ישנו במיטה אחת, אבא ואמא בחדר אחד ועד היום אני לא יודע איפה ישן סוסו, כי בדירה לא היה מקום לעוד סיכה…
מהבוקר עד שכולם חזרו מהעבודה סבתא טיפלה במושיק בסדר יום קבוע פחות או יותר: שעה בכי על התימני שהלך, שעה תקווה שהוא יחזור, שעה תסכית רדיו בערבית שתמיד הסתיים בבכי, שעה הכנת אוכל למשפחה והמון המון שעות שהוקדשו לאמונות טפלות של סבתא. אם התעטשתי הייתי חייב למשוך בתנוך האזן, אם שיחקתי במפתחות הייתי חייב להיזהר כי יהיה ריב בבית. אחד הדברים הכי גרועים שיכול מישהו לעשות לסבתא רשל היה לענות לשאלה "מה השעה", פשוט "חמישה לחמש" זה היה סימן שטני מובהק שהבנאדם עושה לה עין הרע. כילד אף פעם לא הבנתי ותמיד שאלתי: "סבתא, מה את רוצה, אולי באמת חמישה לחמש?" ועל זה קיבלתי מבט זועם מלווה בתוכחה "למה הוא משתמש בחמש?”
סבתא רשל האמינה בסמליותם של חפצים ושבירתם. אם משהו יקר נשבר, העולם לא יעבור על זה בשקט, ברוב המקרים הייתה לזה השלכה לתימני: "הוא שלח סימן", "הוא מתחרט", "סימן שאני צודקת" או אולי “טועה”.
פעם נתנה לי סבתא רשל מראה בצורה מיוחדת (טוב, אני הבכור ולסבתא לא היו אמצעים לחלק מתנות), קצת דומה ללב והשביעה אותי שאשמור עליה. כמובן שמרתי עליה ודאגתי לה והיא הזכירה לי את סבתא רשל וחוויות המשפחה הצפופה בשני החדרים במרגולין שביד אליהו בראשית שנות החמישים.
עשרות שנים אחר כך, בחדר של רכז הקניות של הקיבוץ או בשמו האחר "נהג בית", הגעתי עם המראה עטופה מכל פגע, ובחרדת קודש הסברתי לו כמה היא חשובה לי ולכן אני רוצה למסגר אותה "ולא חשוב כמה יעלה”.
אחרי שבוע קיבלתי פתק מהמזכירות שהמראה הגיעה. כדי שלא תיפגע חס ושלום או תרגיש מוזנחת, מיהרתי לקחת את המראה של סבתא רשל כדי לתלות אותה במקום שייעדתי לה. פתחתי את הקרטון בזהירות וחשכו עיני, לא צורת לב ולא הדר. הנגר חתך את המראה המיוחדת כל כך לזכוכית אליפטית כשהוא מוותר על הקימורים היפים וסביב האליפסה הצמיד מסגרת.
רכז הקניות לא יודע עד היום על הטראומה שגרם לי, הוא משוכנע שהשיג מחיר טוב. לא סיפרתי לו, כי בתוך תוכי חשבתי שאולי זה עוד כישוף או עין הרע של התימני.
שנים רבות עברו מאז, המראה האליפטית תלויה במקלחת, אני מביט בה יומיום ונזכר בסבתא רשל, במראה המקורית בצורת הלב ובמשמעויות שהיו באמת או אולי רק בראש?
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Grandma Rachel's appearance
Grandma Rachel was a kind of definition of the word tragedy. At a very young age, her husband, the Yemeni grandfather Maurice, left her and ran as far as possible, from the depressing Eliyahu of the 1950s to San Diego in magical California.
Grandma, who had a vision problem for a long time, was going blind from incessant crying. The irresponsible Yemeni left her crippled with three young children, Aviva, his horse, and Lily the eldest who later became my mother.
Grandma didn't accept the sentence of one-sided love... "He will come back" was the sentence that was heard at home several times a day. It didn't help either when she was told that he married a Christian there named Helen and actually left her despondent.
Until the age of six, father, mother, grandmother, aunt, uncle and little Moshik lived in a two-room apartment. Grandma and Aviva and Moshik sleep in one bed, father and mother in one room and to this day I don't know where his horse sleeps, because there was no room in the apartment for another pin…
From the morning until everyone returned from work, Grandma took care of Mushik with a more or less regular schedule: an hour crying for the Yemeni who left, an hour hoping he would come back, an hour listening to the radio in Arabic which always ended in tears, an hour preparing food for the family and many, many hours devoted to Grandma's superstitions. If I sneezed I had to pull my earlobe, if I played keys I had to be careful because there would be a fight at home. One of the worst things someone could do to Grandma Rachel was to answer the question "what time is it", simply "five to five" it was a definite satanic sign that the man was giving her the evil eye. As a child I never understood and always asked: "Grandma, what do you want, maybe really five for five?" And for that I got an angry look accompanied by a scolding "Why does he use five?”
Grandma Rachel believed in the symbolism of objects and their breaking. If something precious is broken, the world will not go over it quietly, in most cases it had an impact on the Yemeni: "he sent a sign", "he regrets", "a sign that I am right" or maybe “wrong”.
Grandma Rachel once gave me a mirror in a special way (well, I'm the eldest and grandma didn't have the means to give out gifts), a little like a heart and made me swear that I would take care of it. Of course I looked after her and took care of her and she reminded me of Grandma Rachel and the experiences of the crowded family in the two rooms in Margolin in Beid Eliyahu in the early fifties.
Decades later, in the room of the kibbutz's shopping coordinator, or "home driver" as he called it, I arrived with the mirror wrapped in all damage, and with holy fear I explained to him how important it is to me and therefore I want to frame it "and it doesn't matter how much it costs”.
After a week I received a note from the secretary that the mirror had arrived. So that you would not be harmed or feel neglected, I hastened to take Grandma Rachel's mirror to hang it in the place I designated for it. I opened the carton carefully and my eyes darkened, neither a heart shape nor a citrus. The carpenter cut the very special mirror into an elliptical glass, giving up the beautiful curves and attached a frame around the ellipse.
The shopping coordinator still doesn't know about the trauma he caused me, he is convinced he got a good price. I didn't tell him, because inside I thought maybe it was another spell or the Yemeni's evil eye.
Many years have passed since then, the elliptical mirror hangs in the shower, I look at it every day and remember Grandma Rachel, the original heart-shaped mirror and the meanings that were really there or maybe only in my head?
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A society that is in a perpetual state of shopping binge, constantly seeking the next spark of joy.
When actual reality veers towards dystopia. There may be a problem.
Despite being an avid supporter of convenient distractions and selective memory loss,
I don't believe these are the reasons we seek comfort in things.
I do wonder whether this belief in the ability of things to carry good karma and spread overall happiness is something we should continue doing.
The oversimplification in modern society is no news however maybe we should allow some complexities into our daily or weekly routines. complexities meaning anything we find uncomfortable. Considering today's perceptions this could mean going to the supermarket. In a distorted capitalist approach not based on human needs but by finding new things to sell them. Its maintenance in the future might not be as easy, mainly because it should have never gotten to be this easy.
The respectable yet odd chioce for the new materials to resemble their predecessors.
appearing even slightly comparable might not play in our favor.
Although The modern love of simplicity may not quite flourish with the nearing total digitization if things remain the same. Hopefully by then we would have created new molds.
A society that disregards the value of assumptions and guesses but rather views them as uneducated and irresponsible is at risk of losing many great ideas and more importantly brings up generations of unimaginative followers.
It might be comforting to think once in a while that all those irrefutable facts were once mere guesses backed by confidence.
Maintaining the status quo is a notion fed to us solely by its beneficiaries.
As a hierarchical society that categorizes its citizens according to the value of education, and wealth. It is unsurprising that a rise of specialties and experts is so popular.
However When the value of a person is solely based on the mastering his craft his craft becomes currency. And currency is only shared with close family. And Detecting cultural appropriators becomes a favorite pastime for all.
Personally, I find it difficult to digest these ideas and their legitimacy.
Gatekeeping knowledge that would objectively help. Blocking patent use and limiting people from learning a craft benefits no one. Particularly in light of the extinction of crafts.
It’s truly every man for himself.
Amidst toxic ideas and fears, finding happiness through food and shopping becomes clear.
While I find it easier to understand how we got into this mess, fixing it proves more difficultI find it difficult to fix it
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throgh the procec of reserch i realised the dichotommy between my choice and the pillers that this preactice lays on. my amigous regard toward heritage should have been my first sign. changing between countris and cuktures from infancy i viewed the not here or there ststus as normal. in addtion to coming from israel where views of heritage and the meanig of culturerputs my ambiguity (and probably everyone elses) to shame. in reserching the meaning heritage, community alongside nomadism and lonliness added by the global movement towards cross polinisation. taking the contradictions and use them as reserch. as i digg deeper in my own history searching for some form of discovery related to crafts or a pass time that wasnt television. I begin to come to terms that the sole inheritance left to me by my ancestors was an array of generational traumas. Understanbly no one in my family adopted any form of hobby or creative outlet. While the notion of passing down any type of skill or family business wasn't a priority for jewish immigrants, as they were probably busy utilizing their creative energy in finding the best ways of survival. migrarting from a various places around the world the construct at the time in israel was to abandon evertything and adopting the new isreali paradigm. a change of language, customs, culture a total reset of their past . backed by rhe the logic was to create a unifid nation based on the same costructs and values. while somewhat appreciainge the optimistic naivity and persistance, needless to say that the aproach backfired.
the knowledge of this diverse background without any connection to it. i am all these things but also none of them. this liminal place is probably one of the reasons i collect som many photographs of family members. having them means i have a story. even if its one i made up. i question the gate keeping of crafts and its hereditory biasess . i find the term of cultural apropriation problamatic unclear where the apropriation begins and where it ends where does the is the line that differs heritage preservation to racism and xenophbia? i assume i suddenly facerespecting a craft i am not allowed to paticipate in. a result of my upringing and personal chrecter i never quite undercthe rhrecter. from comletly stoping to speak in their mostood this concept. having no roots in this world can be both terrifyng and liberating. only recently i was able to understand that i was never able to grow roots
maybe contradictory or perhaps the way it was intended, throughout this masters my view of materials shifted from unapproachable, to the slightly too approchable. with an understanding that basiclly everthing can be anything and huamnity genrally adapts to the circumstanses ,i am not entiraly sure our time is best spent on creatign more variations to an agar agar recepit or by making pottery from leftover ciggaret ash and soil from our dead plant. through my own wxperience i believe that the focus should be on shifting societys views toward materials from the unaproachable to the slightly too approchable. once that is done all the agar agar and jelatine recipies of the world have thier time to shine. the proposal for this reserch is tooted in history while considering the the future as the one that holds importance. my project will use hisorical photos in order to create an alernative future. the generated pictures from the imajined future will be acompanied bt an aprpriately relavant tool made from alternative materials and a userguide on how to remake this tool in the reel future. the project will provide auser friendly toolkit from unfor the future. unconvetional material to be used in thr. i wish to have both usefull objects as well as absurd and maybe apocalyptic future- how to have a baby without strech marks?
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Firstly I wish to acknowledge the similarities I find in today's approach to materials to the problanatic pdevelopmental approach
M problamitic devel
Political
Cultural
Scientific
Religion?
Language
Loving the unloveable
Investing in the future's defiant negativity
Beneficial negativities of the future
Abandoning expectations and pursuits for joy-sparking things
The artificial joy igniter
truthfulness in things that don't spark joy
From reverse exorcism to never sparking joy. ghost adoption.
From never sparking joy again to reverse exorcism and ghost adoption, the future is grim
The exorcism of haunted objects
Non Sparking joy
In A society that highlights importance of objects to spark joy, carry good karmas and spread overall happiness and positivity its actual state of things seems quite grim.
As an avid supporter of convenient distractions and selective memory loss, I believe it is not the reason we seek comfort in those joy sparking, easy digestible objects that fill our life.
Trump- capitalism, to be pessimistic, is part of the culture- we dont believe or trust - every man for himself-
Thought of using something that has been used by someone else we didn't know gives place for
Supernatural ideas come to mind often in relation to things that don’t come in a box.
Dangers of supernatural forces finding their way in to our life by utilizing a previously owned/used object. the maybe cursed maybe energetically comromised or abilitys to transfer all of the previous users worst qualities and experiences can become our reality.
Contrary to that of course are our family heirlooms that we cherish as if they were the keys for abundant fertility and all our future happiness.
Surprisingly or not those heirlooms probably carry the scariest ghosts of all.
Pretty sure that whatever used object we ever obtained hasnt gone through holocoast, famine and slavery. Or it hasnt and it was probably obtained by taking advantage of the minority group chosen for the task. (diamonds, silver)..
grandmothers ring that she miracoralsy kept through the holocaust must carry at
Not that I believe in things ability carry the ghosts from the past, I believe we should stop fearing it.
As I said earlier, I am no stranger to narratival augmentations and to comfortably manipulated realities. Life is hard, even more so when adopting our generational obligations and paradigms not to mention traumas.
**Maybe by facing reality, the bad memories and insecurities, the quest for finding material things to spark joy will dissipate.
Opening up to new communities to merge unbound by nothing than the shared enjoyment of being part of a community. Allowing the universe to exist authentically with minimal human additions and modifications while also freeing ourselves from the things we thought we knew and opening up to a more dynamic journey, negativity as well as positivity are part of life, as well collective loneliness, fears and other fun complexities.
, the universe is changing and so should we.
Despite my dislike of the modern developmental approach i decided in attempting to utilize it here as a gateway for my experimentation. Layering materials and objects. Discovering new possibilities and maybe interesting interactions between them.
With the developing layers and interactions as goal. Making use of my hands and mind going back to almost childlike experimentations. Seeking the accumulation of layers and retrospective thoughts avoiding my instinct of creating a new mental piece or something “useful” rather than the amorphic grouping of material. **
Thoughts of whether a monocolore fine finish is my actual preference or an easy adoption.
Contemplating meaning of words such as classic, modern, ugly, worthy, likable.
A Purposefully overcomplication of simple things,
I attempt to put my usual need for speed and simplicity aside.
In a constant fear of overbearing complications and accidents i try to relax.
Instinctively in this process i began organisinng family pictures into groupes. Family life can be quite repetitive even across borders. Even so, the ability to see them in clusters of similliear experiences across time and culture can be surprisingly eye opening.
From birthday parties at macdonalds
To the childhood collection of identical dolls with elaborate hobbies.
My Capturing a period of time where capitalism was seen as magical, especially for a family moving to europe from living in kibbutz in israel which was basically the complete opposite of all that.
From A socialist liberal type of village. Where everything is shared and done with the most passion as this is our home.
used to going to the communal dining room for meels, free vegetables and dairy products at the local supermarket, sharing cars, rotational work, everyone does everything in shifts, picking avocados, cooking, taking care of the children, or openig the electric gate for visitorr.
I find that this proccces is almost equally about the learning as it is unlearning.
A society that disregards the value of assumptions and guesses but rather views them as uneducated and irresponsible is at risk of losing many great ideas and more importantly brings up generations of unimaginative followers.
It might be nice to think once in while that all those irrefutable facts where once mere guesses backed by confidence.
Maintaining the status quo is a notion fed to us solely by its beneficiaries. In a hierarchical society that categorizes people according to value of education, And wealth. It is unsurprising that a culture of specialities and experts took over. However When the value of a person is solely based on him mastering he’s craft he’s craft becomes currency. And currency is only shared with close family. a Its a treasure box It becomes a secret only shared with family and terms such as culture appropriation become overused.
The concept of blocking valuable knowledge from certain parts parts in society is one of the worst capitalistic outcomes. registered patents blocking health capilising on of good ideas.
A society where people can block other people from getting help and knowledge from all the unquestionable things
Gatekeeping knowledge and means of is one of the reasons most people don’t bother getting out of their conformity zone.
It’s every man for himself.
Which makes is how we got ourselves so deep in this mess and why nothing is really changing.
The standarsds of considered comfort and simplicity
Maintaining the same standards of oversimplification in the future is quite impossible
Mainly because it sould have never gone this far to begin with.
I believe that instead of trying to find deferent materials that could replace and provide the same experience is a nice idea but it remains exists within the realm of no guesses. the same world realms of th like still like the same chrictastics of the non sustainable version to replace
It is obvious most people living in the west will make a change that benefits them. I.e in this society no one will volunteer for more things to do or any change that doesn’t benefit them directly. But they but they would also let people die than give something for free.
also share life saving solutions Their see changing life changing ideas if they had any.
then again they also won’t share life their life saving solutions if but they also hold on to give
Mmpeople will always go to the
We live in a society of damaging views of what is considered comfort. Being offered better ways to improve our life for a price.
The modern capitalist approach to comfort is t based on actual human needs but by finding new things to sell.
And people who spend their whole day becoming the masters of whatever can provide them with a salary. And after working all day they dereve the best of the best.
The modern approach to simplicity can become an actual life hazard with the nearing total digitization.
Which is another point and actual necessity for creating a future by using the past as a mold.
complexity approach.
The attempts for materials to copy the same creates a notion that they are comarible . It’s not a completion of who can provide a lower price.. the future will lose every time. competition of created by
Making people understand that while admiring the low prices the day supermarkets won't provide fruit and water consumption will be rationed to the amount that equals to never buying conditioner again. Is the day we will lose something far important than any money saved.
Which is also money saved.
they suddenly won't have lower prices
capitalistic approach As being comfortable is an excuse of being lazy.
People that won’t take the bus or
A way of livingthay could be the perfect solution for a positive future.
never always be
you athe act of guessing worse than not knowing is a sign some things need to be shaken up.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Vqp-pqKEntWum2uIqj3pCStAuf3Ixbq777uJbdUv0Mo/edit